A Comical Take on Ethiopian Politics
Yo, what’s good Abiy Ahmed Ali,
I gotta admit, I was straight up cracking up when I heard about your attempt to erase me from the history of the Battle of Adwa. You got some serious cojones to try and rewrite history like that, my dude. Respect.
But let’s be real, Abiy, you ain’t got nothing on me. I was the OG emperor who united Ethiopia, modernized the country, and defended our sovereignty against foreign invaders. And don’t even get me started on my contributions to culture and the arts. I was the king of that game, fo’ real.
And while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about cars, Abiy. You love ’em, I love ’em, we all love ’em. But let’s not forget who brought the first car to Ethiopia, homie. That was me, way back in 1907. I was the first player in Ethiopia to ride in a car, and I did it in style.
And speaking of imports, you remember when I brought those eucalyptus trees over from Australia? Yeah, that was me, too. I knew you loved trees, so I made sure to hook you up with the best.
But I gotta say, Abiy, I’m a little disappointed in you, my man. You’re all scared and sh*t when people wear shirts with my image on them. What’s up with that? I’m just a boss who did big things for Ethiopia. Ain’t no need to be afraid.
Yo Abiy, I heard you’re building a new crib – a palace, if you will – and it’s gonna cost a cool 400 billion dollars. Damn, homie, that’s a lot of money! You could feed a whole country for years with that kinda cash.
But hey, who am I to judge? I mean, I built a palace or two in my time, so I know how it goes. But just make sure you don’t go overboard, my dude. Remember, you gotta keep it real for the people.
And while we’re on the subject of keeping it real, I gotta ask – what’s up with you asking religious people whether they love you or not? That’s some weak sh*t, Abiy. Real bosses don’t need to ask for love, they earn it.
I mean, I’m not gonna front, I was a pretty big deal back in the day. But I didn’t need to ask people whether they loved me or not. They knew what was up, and they respected me for it.
So, Abiy, take it from me – don’t worry about whether people love you or not. Just focus on doing the right thing for Ethiopia, and the love will come naturally.
Yo Abiy,I also heard you been trying to split the Orthodox Church into two. You trying to be a boss or something, trying to mess with people’s faith? You need to chill with that nonsense.
Let me tell you something, my dude. Back in my day, the Orthodox Church was the real deal. We had one church, one faith, and we all stood together as one. That’s how it should be.
But you wanna come in here, stirring up trouble, trying to divide us? That ain’t cool, Abiy. You gotta respect people’s beliefs, no matter what they are. That’s how you build a strong, united country.
So listen to me, Abiy. Leave the church alone. Focus on making Ethiopia great again, and leave the religious stuff to the priests and the people. Trust me, it’s for the best.
Peace out,
Emperor Menelik II (aka the original boss of Ethiopia)
